Anyone who has seen the other Vegas Cirque du Soleil shows “Mystčre," “O,” and KÀ" can probably attest to the fact that Cirque knows “sexy.” Portions of those shows are downright erotic in a way that doesn’t pander or talk down to the audience so it seemed like a natural extension of that ethos to develop an entire show immersed in sexuality and a celebration of same. That was the theory behind “Zumanity,” the Cirque du Soleil production playing at New York-New York since August of 2003.

Unfortunately somewhere between the theory and the reality the concept of what is truly sexy got lost along the way and “Zumanity” winds up failing to rise to the challenge in more ways than one. Instead of titillating we get tacky; instead of naughty we get nasty; instead of erotic we get “ewww.” Instead of aspiring to the relative class of “Playboy,” it’s what the magazine “Hustler” would be if it Larry Flynt could turn it into a musical.

Like other Cirque productions, “Zumanity” is a blend of avant-garde theater and circus-style acrobatics only here they are all staged with an eye toward sex and some of its various permutations. So just as in “Mystere” there is a “living sculpture” act, where two people lift, balance, and pose with each other in a slow-motion dance of sorts. However, in “Zumanity” it’s between a topless woman and a man who puts his hands and face in positions usually only seen late night on Cinemax. Add in the unnecessary singing in the background (“sex is beautiful…”) and it becomes so forced and unnatural you’ll feel as though you’re being hit over the head with the obviousness of it all.

That’s one of the biggest disappointments for me about “Zumanity.” Cirque has always delighted in the metaphorical, using vivid, often surreal imagery to create whatever atmosphere they’re aiming for. Here, the metaphorical is often replaced by the literal, in effect telling the audience what to think and therefore removing the opportunity for us to find our own meanings.

Another example… the male dancers lounge onstage watching a football game on television while the female dancers attempt to get their attention through a series of strip club worthy gyrations. Yeah, men should pay more attention to their women – we get it. But couldn’t there have been a less obvious way of saying that? And couldn’t it have ended in a way that didn’t involve the women basically turning themselves into the Girls of Glitter Gulch in order to drag their men’s eyeballs away from the TV?

The show bills itself as a celebration of all forms of human sexuality and boy oh boy are there a lot of them included here. Men with women, women with women, masochism, auto-asphyxiation, self-gratification, orgies, certain… um… “devices” for lack of a better word… strippers, and costumes (French Maid anyone?) are just a few of diversions featured in the show.

There are some worthwhile elements to “Zumanity” of course. Drag performer and hostess Joey Arias is catty and funny (although she appears to be holding back a bit); the zaftig Medeiros sisters provide a welcome bit of all-shapes-and-sizes flavor; the aerialist act with a topless woman and a little person is oddly compelling; a gymnast in a Britney Spears outfit does some amazing work with hoops; the contortionist is out of place in this show but it’s hard to take your eyes off of him no matter how sick to your stomach you may get; The Pacemakers are a surprising and even heart-warming dance duo; and the rest of the company of dancers is comprised of a lot of eye candy for both men and women… if you’re into the type of look that you’ll find at a strip club.

The rest is either boring and/or just plain old dumb: The “comic relief” group comes off as a really offensive Benny Hill sketch that won’t die; the singers and the music are both intrusive and unnecessarily literal (too bad since one of them is a personal favorite of mine, Lonnie Gordon); and the show-ending audience participation “orgy” is not only silly but so far away from sexy that you’ll need a road map to get you back there.

Ultimately “Zumanity” fails by trying too hard to be provocative. The people and the things that are truly “sexy” don’t need to work so hard to be that way – they just are. Catherine Zeta-Jones is sexy in a way that almost dares you to not look at her. Christina Aguilera tries to be sexy by begging you to look at her and more often than not doesn’t succeed.

Sex, if done properly, should be fun, exciting, creative, energetic, surprising, original, and involving. “Zumanity” is occasionally all of those things but never at the same time and certainly not for the duration of the 90-minute show.

Then again, when was the last time you were all of those things for 90-minutes?

On the other hand, when was the last time someone paid you $100 to be all of those things for 90-minutes?

Okay, we’re straying into dangerous territory here.